may I just say that if one more person comes up to us to tell us that Fi "is the smallest baby they have ever seen walking" or that she is "almost too small to be walking" - I might just have to murder them on the scene. I may grab a Christmas tree stand to stab them with. I can see the headlines now, "Angered, recently naturalized woman, stabs passer by for commenting on size of child..."
I know that people do it because they think she is really cute, but it's such a tricky situation to get into over and over again, I had 4 of them today within an hour.... I am enjoying my child, she is gorgeous, smart and a real sweetheart, why do I need to be constantly reminded that she is different.
I can't exactly say to them: "Khmmm, you know she has a medical condition, this is why she is so small". Or "Well actually, she has a restricted growth condition/dwarfism this is why she is so small." this doesn't make for good education, people would be so embarrassed...
Anyhow, this post is really just to show that we are alive and well - not yet in jail anyhow, and I have a plan to post a ton over the holiday season as I will have 3 weeks off... I will overload everyone with my posts. Until then, peace and stop commenting on other people's children...
Showing posts with label Hurtful comments. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hurtful comments. Show all posts
Saturday, 8 December 2012
Sunday, 29 July 2012
2 minutes after we landed...
Hungarians are known to say things as they are, very much like the Dutch. I suppose for anyone raised and socialized according to the Anglo-Saxon standards, people are brutally blunt, sometimes to the point of rude. It is nice to know what people think, but sometimes I would prefer ignorance. Why am I going on about this...
After disembarking (is that a word?!) the plane, we had to wait for the stroller for about 10 minutes, I was holding Fi in my arms and this airport employee was chatting to me casually. I never noticed her staring at Fi, I am very tuned in like that so I would have picked up on it. Once the stroller arrived we said our good byes and headed off... Budapest airport uses those mobile tunnel things, I never realized how much they echo, until I could clearly hear this woman say to her colleague (the one who delivered our stroller): "Surely that baby couldn't have been healthy, she had a fucking big head and a huge forehead."
I was shocked, firstly that I could hear it, secondly her choice of words (not the swearing, I do that a lot myself), but more the accuracy of her observation without me ever noticing her staring and thirdly how noone ever passed any comment in Ireland where there are zillions of babies and people know everything about them (well one Canadian woman did, but she is a doped out musician so she doesn't count :-))and how in the first 10 minutes after arriving to my tolerant home country I would run into something like that.
Yes, I have been very aware of her macrocephaly and large forehead, I just didn't expect others to do so too. And yes, when I saw her next to my sister's 7 months old she does have a large head which is differently shaped. I know that she "will grow into her head", yes, she will probably always have a large head but it will never be as large compared to the rest it is such a fascinating subject, the vast majority of her head growth has already happened. Her head grew an incredible 12 cm in the first year of her life, it will grow another 3-4 cm this second year if it follows her current curve of +2 SD and then 7 cm all together in the next 16 years, that is quite astonishing, isn't it?! I also know that having more hair will help.
So here we are. I am so glad that Fi is completely unaware, yet in a weird way I think its strangely unfair on her, that we have been going through all this worry and emotion all the time and she is oblivious to it all, it's almost as if we were taking behind her back. I do want her to be oblivious to as much of our worry as possible, of course, but it makes me feel like we are almost cheating on her, that we can't enjoy her babyhood and toddlerhood without all this baggage.
Having said that, I think the reason why I am so shocked that this woman has picked up on it, is because I am so used to her proportions that of course I don't notice it all the time and she is such a cute and clever baby that I have stopped thinking about her condition all the time. She is our wittiest child for sure and we love her.
Here she is with her nana and sisters.
After disembarking (is that a word?!) the plane, we had to wait for the stroller for about 10 minutes, I was holding Fi in my arms and this airport employee was chatting to me casually. I never noticed her staring at Fi, I am very tuned in like that so I would have picked up on it. Once the stroller arrived we said our good byes and headed off... Budapest airport uses those mobile tunnel things, I never realized how much they echo, until I could clearly hear this woman say to her colleague (the one who delivered our stroller): "Surely that baby couldn't have been healthy, she had a fucking big head and a huge forehead."
I was shocked, firstly that I could hear it, secondly her choice of words (not the swearing, I do that a lot myself), but more the accuracy of her observation without me ever noticing her staring and thirdly how noone ever passed any comment in Ireland where there are zillions of babies and people know everything about them (well one Canadian woman did, but she is a doped out musician so she doesn't count :-))and how in the first 10 minutes after arriving to my tolerant home country I would run into something like that.
Yes, I have been very aware of her macrocephaly and large forehead, I just didn't expect others to do so too. And yes, when I saw her next to my sister's 7 months old she does have a large head which is differently shaped. I know that she "will grow into her head", yes, she will probably always have a large head but it will never be as large compared to the rest it is such a fascinating subject, the vast majority of her head growth has already happened. Her head grew an incredible 12 cm in the first year of her life, it will grow another 3-4 cm this second year if it follows her current curve of +2 SD and then 7 cm all together in the next 16 years, that is quite astonishing, isn't it?! I also know that having more hair will help.
So here we are. I am so glad that Fi is completely unaware, yet in a weird way I think its strangely unfair on her, that we have been going through all this worry and emotion all the time and she is oblivious to it all, it's almost as if we were taking behind her back. I do want her to be oblivious to as much of our worry as possible, of course, but it makes me feel like we are almost cheating on her, that we can't enjoy her babyhood and toddlerhood without all this baggage.
Having said that, I think the reason why I am so shocked that this woman has picked up on it, is because I am so used to her proportions that of course I don't notice it all the time and she is such a cute and clever baby that I have stopped thinking about her condition all the time. She is our wittiest child for sure and we love her.
Here she is with her nana and sisters.
Monday, 16 January 2012
OMG
"She has a really big head, doesn't she"... Honest to God, I don't mind and I don't feel like I owe an explanation to everyone who comments on Fi, but seriously, what are people smoking, why do they think they can walk around saying stuff like this... I may soon have to stop posting every rude comment and just focus on the real funny or outrageous ones...
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
Huh...
OK, so I might be oversensitive, but a really good friend was visiting and we were discussing about Fi's length, etc... When she just said: "Oh it's a matter of perspective, so many people who can't have children would be so happy to have even a child like this..." WTF... 1. We are happy to have her and why indicate that we shouldn't be happy and what's with the whole "child like this" bit... I know what she wanted to say that she is gorgeous as is and I shouldn't obsess, but seriously, words MATTER...
Friday, 5 August 2011
"She is so small, short, etc."
The first comment came when Fi was about 5-6 days old and I was at an indoor playcentre with her and the other girls. This older woman came up to me and chatted about all the usual baby mad things, "Oh she is so beautiful, so cute, how old... Wow, she is really short."
I was really unprepared, I guess at that stage we didn't have a confirmed diagnosis, we haven't met with our local LP group, the wound was rawer than raw... We were just released from the hospital a few days before being told that there was nothing wrong and I possibly just heard back that very morning from the specialist where I had sent the X-rays to get a second opinion that in fact she for sure had a skeletal dysplasia and the question was achon or hypo...
I just muttered to the woman that she was born pre-mature, which isn't even true she was born exactly at 37 weeks.
I actually felt bad for the lady, she was just making an observation, she had no idea that she just took a rusty knife and dug it right into the centre of my heart.
The funny thing is for now she is actually at the 15th percentile for height... a lady in the coffee shop this morning asked me how old Fi was and she gave me this worried look saying "She looks very small." I was thinking of the possible answers: a) yes because she has a rare genetic condition, b) stick with the immature story... I chose b), I guess these people are well meaning, but it is so ironic, absurd, this whole discussion, her worried look... I decided that in the future until she is more or less on the growth chart, I will just stick to saying "Yes, I am not exactly a giant either, am I?" (I am 5'2).
Once she falls of the growth chart I think I will just say that she has a restricted growth condition that makes her limbs shorter. I can't use the LP, or D word... to me they are labels, I know they are acceptable for lots of people, but I can't use them just now.
I was really unprepared, I guess at that stage we didn't have a confirmed diagnosis, we haven't met with our local LP group, the wound was rawer than raw... We were just released from the hospital a few days before being told that there was nothing wrong and I possibly just heard back that very morning from the specialist where I had sent the X-rays to get a second opinion that in fact she for sure had a skeletal dysplasia and the question was achon or hypo...
I just muttered to the woman that she was born pre-mature, which isn't even true she was born exactly at 37 weeks.
I actually felt bad for the lady, she was just making an observation, she had no idea that she just took a rusty knife and dug it right into the centre of my heart.
The funny thing is for now she is actually at the 15th percentile for height... a lady in the coffee shop this morning asked me how old Fi was and she gave me this worried look saying "She looks very small." I was thinking of the possible answers: a) yes because she has a rare genetic condition, b) stick with the immature story... I chose b), I guess these people are well meaning, but it is so ironic, absurd, this whole discussion, her worried look... I decided that in the future until she is more or less on the growth chart, I will just stick to saying "Yes, I am not exactly a giant either, am I?" (I am 5'2).
Once she falls of the growth chart I think I will just say that she has a restricted growth condition that makes her limbs shorter. I can't use the LP, or D word... to me they are labels, I know they are acceptable for lots of people, but I can't use them just now.
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