Thursday, 2 May 2013

What I think of limb lengthening? - Preface

This is part one of a series, I have been thinking about writing for a very long time.

I am a diplomat; I like getting along with people, I appreciate the freedom of choice, beliefs and speech and I am acutely aware that my truth is just as subjective as anyone else's.

This changes rapidly if someone becomes my friend and I care about them, in this case, I tend to have a misguided moral duty to tell them my version of the truth, to question and challenge them at times. I don't call many people my friends and they don't get a sugarcoated version, they get brutal honesty, Eastern European style. My friends love me for this and I am lucky to have a few such friends myself.

So, I have been struggling with this whole controversy around limb lengthening, reading the different parent forums, so many speak up so strongly against it, and I just don't feel it's my place to start a heated argument with any other parent. In fact, I don't want to have an argument at all as this is such a personal, belief system shattering/challenging topic. But this is my blog, and this is my place of honesty, this is my heart-wrenching, soul-searching evolution. So I hope none of my readers will start an argument as I am just not up for it, this topic is a lot more personal than it would allow an argument.

So where do I start?
Firstly, I know my limitations, I know that I don't understand many of the other parents. We are so different culturally, our understanding about the relationships of society and the individual is so different based on where we were born and raised. Our inbuilt moral values, our understanding of right and wrong is different, I suppose this is what makes life interesting.

Secondly, I don't do the judging thing, when I say 'each to their own', I absolutely mean it, my not-understanding does not result in me believing that I am right, it just results in me acknowledging that we are all different and what is righter than right for me, can be completely wrong for someone else.

Thirdly, I believe that whether or not we are seeking out treatments for our children, (whether it's GH treatment, Biomarin's new drug or lengthening), or if we choose not to do anything, we all do this with the utter conviction in our hearts that we are doing the best for our children.

Fourthly, I am a research geek, through and through, I need to read a lot, analyse and think through things a lot more than most people I know. For me, having an overwhelming pool of data offers comfort, I am very brain driven and I believe that knowledge is power, so reading arguments which are not research based is hard for me, but my intellectual arrogance is kept in line by knowing that as parents we all want the best for our children.

And last, because I treat everyone with respect, I expect the same, whether anyone agrees with my choices or not, I hope all can believe that I have done my homework and I am doing my very best for my child, I can't do more, but I certainly won't do less. This can be very hard if your approach is the opposite, but it only takes remembering that our view is all subjective. Unless we get into the realm of religion and believing in the absolute truth, in which case, I still think that even if you believe in God and the absolute righteousness, your own version of this will be tainted and subjective by who you are.

OK, so that was the longest preface ever written, in the next part I will explain why I am FOR limb lengthening and in the third part I will discuss the topic of the child's choice.

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