Saturday 16 February 2013
Sometimes
I don't post, because I don't know what to say. I have lots to say, I just don't know how.
The real and fake optimism both fail me and nothing is easy.
I want to stand up for what I believe in, at the same time, I am too liberal to believe that my way has to be anyone else's way. But then i fear that others will judge me for what I believe in and i don't want to have to have a heated discussion, each to their own, I believe in that.
I want to focus on the science and be an objective observer, but I can't because I am so partial to this wanting to make Fi's life as pain free as possible. Emotionally, cognitively.
She tries to copy her sisters who both do gymnastics, she actually has really good coordination for a 20 months old trying to do tumbles and splits and all. Yet, she will never be allowed to do gymnastics, the vault is too dangerous and her arms seem weak compared to the others at this age, then again, that may change. How do you explain that? Will that innocent, proud, all-capable look disappear from her eyes realizing that she is different? What % of my children's confidence am I, are we as a family accountable for? - Now this is a good research idea...
How does one have the capacity to live through their feelings, not ignore them nor suppress them with all the popular Western coping mechanisms, while maintaining the ability to experience joy?
How does one fight day after day a million small battles, yet retain the ability to be spontaneous?
Where is the line between optimism, realism and depression?
How can one be so sure of so many things, yet so unsure about the means?
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Heated discussions can have their place if there is mutual respect on both ends. It can be cathartic to debate for a while then say, "alright, no one's mind has been changed, but we've said our piece, now let's go get a beer" :) I look forward to more discussions with you, because I think in some ways we are coming from the same place but we don't necessarily end up with the same conclusions, and yet we recognize that each will do the best she can for her daughter, even if that manifests itself in different ways.
ReplyDeleteYes, my dear friend. I would love to do that with you over a lot of wine. We must plan a private meeting as well for this year when in Madi, what do you think?
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