"Wouldn't it be nice..."

It's strangely comforting to be writing a blog that noone might ever read, or whoever reads it, will understand what we are going through since they might have had the same feelings.

Fi has changed so much over the last few days, she is really chatty and is cooing and smiling at all of us all the time. I looked at my blogs to check what I was up to when the other 2 girls were this age. With Tara we were still struggling with her breastfeeding and just generally not knowing how to handle an infant... I don't think I would have held her for hours and chatted to her.
I guess with Lia it was all about worrying how Tara took to her, pretty unfair I know, but this is what my blog review is telling me...
Ironically enough I think we are enjoying Fi the most, because I think she might need early intervention I am doing way more singing and playing with her than I would have done with the others as a result she is a lot more interactive... Even my husband made a comment yesterday, he was enjoying her and then just turned to me and said " Wouldn't it be nice if everything was OK with her?"
That sentence really broke my heart, G is not a man of many words, his emotions run deep and are not expressed though words, he is an IT engineer, a runner, a swimmer... he internalizes things and then pumps up some adrenalin to get rid of the negative thoughts, for him to even say those few words talks about a lot of heartache that no adrenalin gush could wash clean.
And it is exactly the same way I feel... Fi is so cute, pretty, interactive, but the joy in admiring her is never complete yet, the pain about her having this stigma is always there.
I wonder when that will go, I guess as she grows and her personality enfolds we will see more of her as opposed to the physical characteristics of her condition.
Noone would know that there is anything wrong with her for now, unless they are a geneticist, not even a pediatrician could see it... I of course know the little signs that give it away. Often I will be looking at the little line where her forehead is, it is alien to me, I know it shouldn't be there, but when she smiles at me and looks in my eyes, I can't see that line anymore, it's only Fiona who I see and that is my hope.